Finally Giving In

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jtop91
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i twitter all the time[doesnt that sound dirty?]

Coolie High - Camp Lo

Writing to Ease the Pain.

So it's been a two weeks since me and kels broke up. And I'm having the hardest time trying to get over her. She meant everything to me. I made that girl my life and she threw all that shit away. So I really thought me and her were way closer than she proved that we are. In just two weeks she has some new girl she loves.. Me and her were talking for 6 months and she didn't say she loved me at all. This who situation is blowing all shit outta me. Because I have people who love me but here I am still stuck on a bitch who doesnt care about anything I have to say. I'm trying very hard to contain my anger but its growing and turning into something way bigger than it has to be. If only she would just talk to me and we could be friends but no she isn't even willing to do that. So now what? I try to just suck it up and prentend as if she never exsited. But its taking a long time. And I don't how much longer i can bottle up these emotions.

Battle - Colbie Caillat

Corinne Bailey Rae

Call Me When You Get This - Corinne Bailey Rae




She is extremely under rated her lyrics are extremely poetic.

"have you ever loved the way that i have?
and i have often wondered who,
who could love you the way i do?
now i just want you to know, how i'm
touched deep in my soul just being with you."

"i just wanted to know what it was like, what's it really like to be loved?
these little volcanoes came as a surprise to me.
i never thought i could be this way.
and i have been cautious and i've tried to keep to myself, but who could love you the way i do?"

no surprises for me.

why am i not surprised

time to regroup and pick the remainder of my heart off the ground. why am i not surprised no one will ever feel the same. its whatever. im too strong for this bullshit. i have 65 days until im done with high school and quite frankly done with everyone. but just know i have poured my heart twice to you and it went in one ear and out the other. just know that you will NEVER find a girl who will love you or do the things i was willing to do for you. but again its whatever you made your decision and its fine with me.



-janai.

Old Lovas..=]

i finally said it. I finally said that phrase that I've been wanting to say for a long ass time. And i meant it from the bottom of my heart. I would have never had the courage to tell you if the whole "SATURDAY" event didn't happen. I'm so happy i said because its like a weight has been lifted and I can finally see where it goes from here.


But to you old lova
this is all in your hands. I told you what i want out of us. And I have mentioned that i will be apart of your life regardless of what my official title is. I know that I mean alot to you. You have always had my back no matter what i have done or been through. And I know I can trust you. The chemistry is there and everyone with eyes can see that. We have so much in common that we will never get bored with each other. I don't know about you but the attraction is also there. You are my everything and i can honestly say that without any kind of hesitation. So yea this is in your hands but don't let a good thing pass you by.

ily very much
-janai <3

Old Lovas - Dwele

Aishiteru

a passion that erupts in my body
every time you touch me
a captivating, mind blowing experience
words can not explain
so i ran from these feelings
and tucked them far away
I hid from this passion
& called you my friend
but every time we talked
my heart wanted to explode
& every time we hugged
my body disappeared into Ecstasy
my very little heaven on earth
now this passion inside me
contiunes to grow and grow
And I was not sure how much longer
I could hold it in & pretend
Now others are starting to notice the passion too
& speak upon some even speak upon it in front of you
but i laugh it off
& try to push the passion the aside
to that faithful night
where I asked
if you had the passion too
and with your simple yet complex reply
i wiped the tears from my eyes
and i'm relieved to find
you feel the exact same.
yet your not ready to act upon the passion
so i will push the passion aside
but when your ready
so am I
and our passions will be become one..
we will float to ecstacy
our little heaven on earth.

JanaiElizabeth.

who is this person you see
Janai Elizabeth
This is me
No more hiding
No more fake identity
exposing myself for the ones i love
take it or leave it
and if you leave theres no coming back
this is me
no more hiding
vunerable yet alive
scared yet free
this is me
no hiding behind another identity
this is me
Sometimes my hair isn't done
Sometimes my nail polish is chipped
but this is me
I cry because I can
I laugh because its funny
this is me
I put my into every relationship
into every friendship
i have battle wounds on my heart
from old lovers
backstabbing friends
and this is me
take it or leave
but if you leave there is no coming back
this is me
no more hiding behind another identity
Janai Elizabeth
for all the world to see.

Some Deep Ish.. [coming from a silly girl]

IF YOU WERE TO DIE TODAY..HOW DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD BE REMEMBERED?
The crazy thing is I dont even know the answer to my own question.
My friends would say I was fun, goofy, always offering advice, the outgoing one. The one who kept the party going. My church friends would say she was the one who had a strong faith and she always wanted to help others in their quest for faith. My parents would say she was good daugher.. although she slipped up every now and then she never gave up. She always respected our wishes and love us no matter what punishments we gave her. My teachers would say Janai was a social butterfly although at times she may have been lazy she was an amazing student always eager to learn. My boo would say Janai is one of the sweetest people I know she always cares and offers you all the love she has no matter what.
But truly in the end is that all I will be remembered for.. being funny and goofy, having faith, being a good daughter, being a good student, and loving people. Isn't that what Im suppose to do? In the bible it says love your neighbors. And that is what I like to think I have been doing although sometimes I slip I do.. No matter what people do to me I always love and care about them. But I feel as if I havent left a impact on the world. Im not saying I want to be this amazing celebrity but Im saying I want to leave a impact. I want to change someone's life. Something I fear more than death is being FORGOTTEN. I always want someone to be like hey I remember that girl..she was [insert here]! I don't want it to be like who in the hell is that? Being forgotten is almost like being without a purpose. If you are forgotten then what the point of you living? Today I realized that life is short and at any time God can blink and your life can taking away. Before you go dont you want to leave an impact on someone's life.
SO MAKE EACH DAY YOUR LAST.
SMILE A LITTLE
GIGGLE A LITTLE
LOVE ALOT
BE THE PERSON THAT CHANGES SOMEONE'S LIFE FOREVER.
What is the purpose of living if you don't make the world better for someone else?