2008 [i cant say imma miss it]

So this year was a BIG year for me. I met some amazing and life changing people. I fell in love, fell out of love, fell back in love, and going into 2009 I'm still in love. Now back to the part about meeting some amazing people. Ok for starters I met this person back in like March over myspace. I know I know.. big eye roll on that one. But we had common friends blah blah..so that is how the conversation started. I thought he was cute and funny. I guess he thought I was cute too. So then I got my phone around June and that is when we started texting and talking on the phone but again we just friends. I'm talking about my pooh bear Darren. He means so much to me. He is always there for me when shit gets out of hand. He knows I have nothing but love for him.. =] The second person I met him around May..the 18 to be exact. I will never forget him or the days we shared during the summer. May 24 first kiss. May 29 first day we chilled outside of work. May 30 the day we became official. June 20th the day we broke up cuz of some bullshit. July 11 the day he came back from Italy and stole my heart again. July 24 the day I found out our whole relationship was a lie. August 9 the day everything became normal again and he realized he fucked up. And from then we've been best friends/my future hubby/ex/everything in between. This person is my heart and soul Rashad. We are just friends but as you can tell the bond is different.. its complicated its weird and I'm hiding it from my parents so ssshh.. lol. But enough about him now about my current relationship with MALCOLM. he is amazing, and he came completely out of no where. But he is changing my life as we speak lol.. I'm always with him like 50% of the time. And I'm growing to adore him more and more as each day goes on. I have alot of maturing to do as far as relationships go. But I'm getting there slowly but surely. 2008 isn't quite up yet so I'm going to probably have many more of these.

My best male friend

wow.. i love you very much you are the only guy on this whole planet that i trust with my life. We have been through soo many things but its ok cuz now that we've grown up and learned what for real friendship. you make me laugh like no other person on this planet and you offer me the best advice at my weakest moments. and its funny cuz ppl would never expect you to be that kind of person but you are. Idk what to say but i love you best friend.

What a interesting day

LIFE WILL HAND YOU SOME CRAZYYY SHIT.
idk what to do with it.
SOOOO IM GONNA JUST LET IT PLAY OUT.
follow my heart
I HOPE IT LEADS ME IN THE RIGHT PLACE
i hope it doesnt screw me over like it normally does
WOW..IM CONFUSED
someone pray for my soul
BUT I HAD AN AMAZING BUS RIDE HOME
hehe..im not telling you.. my lips are sealed

Keep Him I'm Done.

hahaha...terrence i wrote this to you in 10th grade hahahaha..

How could go and put that girl b4 me
How could go and pretend u don’t care
How could stand besides even though I was always there
I had your back through thick and thin
Held you down before your “girlfriend”
Now you sprung out
And your cant come out your mouth and hold me down
Without a doubt
Forgave u for the anger u once made me feel
U messed up my relationship lets keep it real
But I forgave you
And this is how u want
For sum trick
She aint gonna marry you
She aint gonna have your kids
Its for the time being
Not for eternity
Except you rep her
Like you rep your streets
I can’t hold back anymore
The tears wanna come out
But I refuse to cry
Stand around and pout
Our friendship is over
I’mma let them know
He’s all about himself
So you can have him HOE!

The Meaning of Christmas

hmm..christmas for me for has lost it meaning. I guess when you old enough to realize Santa isn't real thats when the meaning of christmas starts to fade. Next when you start asking for more expensive things and your number of presents decrease. Then when you become a teenager you want to spend less and less time at home and more time with your friends doing things you like to do. So you much rather open your presents and go hang out with your friends.[at least that is how ive been feelings] In my family christmas was the best time we use to decorate the yard and the house. We just to watch all the christmas shows like ruldoph the red nose reindeer. Santa clause is coming to town. And me and my fathers personal favorite a year without santa clause. Gosh those were the days. Even now it puts a smile on my face. But this christmas will be a little different. Basically because of the little drama going on between me and parent. And the fact that now I have "BF" his parents want me to come over for christmas dinner. WTF?!? I really don't want to because I will probably be bored I don't like spending family with my own family let alone someone elses. ANYWHO. all i know is I'm going to have the best new years eve with my friends. lets bring 2009 with a bang. But what I would really like to do is get the meaning of christmas back.

Dear Parent

DISCLAIMER:In efforts to eliminate my household drama being put out there i will not mention which parent I'm speaking of.

To You,
We were so close it was almost of scary. You were def like my best friend. But when we argue we become enemies. You say some of the most hurt things. You call me names and push me and pull me around. And I'm tired of it. I'm almost grown I shouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I feel as if I lied in reflective essay when I said you supported me in all my decisions, because the truth is you don't. You always feel the need to hit below the belt when we argue. Bring up my sexuality or the all the secrets I tell in front of people in attempt to embrass me. And that also hurts. I'm not saying your a bad parent, because your not. But at times you do contribute to my deep depression. You say you are breaking me down to build me back up. But I am a senstive person so everytime I am a broken down. A piece will remain missing. I love you and I always will. But at this point in my life I just kinda need to do my thing. You will always be my parent but I think that when I leave for college I do not think I will be visiting much. Maybe we've been fighting alot because we have spent 17 years up each other butts. And I think this break will benefit the family. As far as what I said yesterday I do not apologize. Because if you have to say something hurtful in order for your message to get through. So do I. My reason for even writing this letter so give you feedback so my baby sister doesn't have to go through the same childhood that I had to. She is a tough kid but she also hangs on your every word. Just be careful with her she has had a tough 10 years so far. Please don't make them any more diffcult. That is all I have to say no apology, no begging to be your best friend, no crying, no screaming, no cursing. Janai at her most honest with you.

Sincerly,
Janai Elizabeth.